Macho ou virando Boiola?
Estava eu aqui na minha vidinha quando dei por mim a pensar num rol de coisas do mais estapafúrdio que se possa imaginar.Depois de tomado o respectivo sedativo acompanhado pelo mais fino conhaque, lá voltou o meu pequeno mas prodigioso cérebro ao seu universo de coisas redondas.
De pequenez em pequenez até que voilá….
Vamos lá fazer uma coisa nunca feita neste estabelecimento e proporcionar a todos aqueles que por aqui passam um momento de serviço público nunca antes visto em toda a blogosfera.
E como diria o meu amigo Janeca, se assim o pensei melhor o fiz.
E que melhor questão de serviço público do que aquela que o titulo deste post encerra?
Havia de facto muitos temas e muitas perguntas para serem colocadas aqui. Mas nenhuma delas levantaria tanta polémica nem daria hipótese de explanar mais um grandioso chorrilho de parvoíce e estupidez, que esta minha piquena mioleira demasiado queimada pudesse dissertar de forma tão incoerente...
Por este motivo aqui ficam uma série de questões e algumas hipótese para que todos os meus clientes muy machos, caso tenham coragem, se tentem enquadrar…ou então não.
Caso o resultado seja aquele que vocês menos esperam não admito sequer que me venham culpar por eventuais descobertas com as respostas ás questões deste post.
Aqui estão as tão pertinentes e polémicas questões sobre a confirmação de que é um macho latino ou um verdadeiro veado…
“1 - Higiene pessoal:
• Toma banho em 3 minutos e usa sabão em barra -----» Macho
• Toma banho rápido e usa Champô -----» Homem Médio
• Demora meia hora e usa sabonete líquido -----» Tendências Gays ocultas
• Toma banho de espuma na banheira ----- » Viadaço Assumido
2 - Higiene pessoal:
• Mija em pé e nem sacode o pau -----» Macho pra Caralho
• Mija em pé e sacode o pau para secá-lo -----» Muito Macho
• Mija sentado e sacode o pau para secá-lo -----» Tendências Homossexuais
• Mija sentado e seca a ponta do pau com papel higiénico -----» Muito Gay. Praticamente uma Gaja.
3 - Uso de cremes e bronzeadores:
• Não usa -----» Macho
• Usa um pouco no verão -----» Sensível
• Usa bastante no verão -----» Bichinha
• Usa bastante o ano todo -----» Bicha Total
4 - Presentes que gosta de ganhar:
• Uma garrafa de cachaça ou whisky -----» Homem Másculo
• Uma peça de roupa -----» Fino
• Doces, bombons etc. -----» Viado Assim-assim
• Flores e/ou perfumes -----» Viadaço
5 - Tratamento dos animais de estimação:
• Seu cão vive no quintal e come restos de comida -----» Varão Rijo e Rude
• Seu cão vive dentro de casa, come ração especial -----» Delicado
• Acaricia muito o gato (que já é boiola por si só) que dorme na sua própria cama -----» Bicha Total
6 - Tratamento das plantas:
• Se alimenta de algumas delas -----» Rambo
• Tem algumas plantas no quintal que não são regadas -----» Macho
• Cuida das plantas e dos arbustos -----» Florzinha
• Rega, poda plantas e flores de seu jardim -----» Bichinha Purpurinada
7 - Uso do espelho:
• Não usa -----» Viking
• Usa somente para fazer barba e pentear cabelo -----» Vaidoso
• Admira sua pele e observa seus músculos -----» Gay
• Igual ao Gay, e ainda admira seu bumbum -----» Louca Desatada
• Admira-se com diferentes perucas, vestidos e maquiagem ----- » Travesti
8 - Penteado:
• Não se penteia -----» Machão
• Penteia-se depois do banho -----» Homem
• Penteia-se várias vezes ao dia -----» Fresco
• Penteia-se várias vezes ao dia e pinta cabelo -----» Bicha
• Penteia os outros e dá conselhos de penteados -----» Bicha Louca
9 - Limpeza da casa:
• Varre quando ouve a sujeira estalar sob a sola dos sapatos -----» Animal
• Varre quando o pó cobre o chão -----» Macho
• Limpa com água e detergente -----» Fresco
• Limpa com água, detergente e aromatizante -----» Mariposa
• Usa aspirador de pó -----» Borboleta
10 - Desportos Favoritos:
• Futebol, luta livre, automobilismo -----» Macho de Carteirinha
• Ténis, boling, voleibol -----» Tendências Gays Ocultas
• Aeróbica, spinning -----» Louca
• Os mesmos, mas usando calção de licra -----» Extra Boiola
11 - Comidas preferidas:
• Javali, animais assados, comida apimentada e gordurosa -----» Tarzan
• Peixe e salada para não engordar -----» Sensível
• Sanduíches integrais, consomées -----» Fresco
• Aves acompanhadas de vegetais cozidos no vapor -----» Bicha Muito Louca
12 - Cerveja:
• Gelada e em grandes quantidades -----» Macho Demais
• Só uma para matar a sede no calor -----» Bichice sob controlo
• Com limão e sal -----» Super Bicha
• Sem álcool -----» Praticamente Libélula”
Então homens machos e rudes desta loja bordeleira da grande avenida tiveram coragem de fazer o teste que foi proposto?
Com que então tiveram a chamada miaufa. Pelos vistos não tem grande confiança nas vossas calças.
Pois parece que temos por ai muito boa gente que mantêm as portas do armário fechadas a sete chaves. Pelo sim, pelo não é melhor por um cadeado… para não dar desgostos a ninguém ao som de uns valentes gritinhos bem esganiçados… suas doidas.
Aqui este vosso anfitrião respondeu a tudo de peito feito, sem medos.
Tirando duas categorias onde o resultado é digamos de cariz muito duvidoso, que demonstra o lado gaja que há em mim, tudo o resto se resume a esta definição… Macho fino e vaidoso. Mistura de rudeza e coisa bem chique… ou então muita parvoíce junta mesmo.
Bom já estou a ouvir gritos de ordem contra a minha pessoa. Parece que este teste desagradou a muito bom “macho”.
Assim, e antes que me tirem o escalpe vou A Procura de… me refugiar em um dos muitos armários que ficaram livres. LOL.
Fui… mas volto.
posted by Joca at 10:04 pm
12 Comments:
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